Jah. Truth is, I have a blog somewhere else on the interwebz, and I can't really ever remember that this journal exists. XD Which is why I haven't posted in like, a bazillion years.
Not that I really have much to say. My summer was long and trying; I spent two weeks at my dad's, I got home and went to work, painting an A&W and catering so I could go on the trip to Spain in March, on July 24th, my stepdad died after a full year's battle with cancer, and all of August was pain and confusion and grasping at the last straws of a warm summer while trying to come to terms with what our life would be like from now on. Major changes had to take place; now my mom and I have bought a new house, and everything's totally bouleversé; I can't think of any better way to put it than that whimsical French term. And things are just finally starting to fall into place. I'm happy now. The people in my life are making me happy, I'm making choices that are making me happy. I'm choosing to surround myself with only the people who treat me well, who make me feel good, who make me happy, and who don't bring unnecessary drama and anguish to my life. I'm going to take command of my own existence, of my own life, and do what I want and to hell with everyone else. If you have a problem with that, you can *censored for unsavoury terms; use your imagination*. Except now I hate that I have obligations that I can't just back out of. Like school. I'm so sick of it, and maybe that's a direct result of being on the cusp of freedom. Though that will not be; after this there's University, of course, which I have no choice but to do and survive through and hopefully accomplish my mission so I can live how I want to. Maybe even find my passion and construct for myself a happy life. I'm particularly tired of chemistry, because in that class it's like all I am allowed to do with my life is chemistry. Countless hours wasted pouring over pointless questions, repeating the same thing over and over again... I cannot learn and cannot grow like that. It's silly. And math just doesn't make sense beyond the very basic, plugandchug, even hypothetical way. The numbers just won't dance the way I want them to, and I can't manipulate them the way they ought to be. I think that will have grave consequences on my future. But maybe I don't want to be a scientist after all. Maybe I want to set up a shop somewhere and spend all my time making gorgeous clothes and gowns and corsets. Maybe I want to create a soaring business empire and conquer that world, a sphere which rarely touches our own. Maybe I want to be a novelist, or a pastry or cake chef, or any one of hundreds of other things I love to do. Maybe I'm tired of my mom living vicariously through me and not letting me live and make my own mistakes, rather, having a meticulous plan set out for me. A path, a destiny. I don't like it, and maybe the fact that it's there and I have to do it or else disappoint her is why I feel less inclined to do it. Also the fact that I'm monumentally lazy about things I don't care about, which is most things, I guess, and am just so sick of school and homework and stress. High school level school isn't supposed to be this much of a struggle.

See, this is why I don't blog except for one with a limited audience; I embarrass myself with my ramblings. XD